Eleutheromania

Why did it take an experience of death to realize how good it is to live?  "I" didn't care if "I" came back. Breathlessness beyond belief.  "I" wasn't being anymore...  "I" just was. Letting go…  Beyond release.  Beyond existence.   Thoughts trying to hold "me" here, grasping at anything "I" could.  "I" was being stripped of the masks, stripped of the stories, stripped of my body.  Let it go. Release. Allow.  The is the work, letting it go.  Unwinding the knots.  Expanding the contractions.  When the witness finally dropped out, it was unbelievable bliss, every single cell of my being bursting with pure, orgasmic, cosmic, INFINITE LOVE, an unconditional feeling of safety.   It was like floating in a sea of infinite void and “I” could occasionally poke my head above the surface just long enough for a few conceptual ideas to form. From there, “it” could tell “it’s” story.  And If “it” could tell a story, then “...

Thought(s) of the Day:   Burning Down the House, 14b Day: 1: impossible. pulled on every. single. draw. I think I did 5 moves out of the entire route 2: hard, really really hard. so many cruxes, so little rest. need core, crimp, and toe strength 3: two cruxes still impossible, bottom crux right hand +moving off it and top crux big right hand move to crimp 4: only 1 impossible crux now! did upper crux with high weird left chicken wing leg, but need shoulder strength for next gaston move? 5: everything feeling doable now, except bottom crux 6: bottom crux will go soon, time to train my core, fingers and shoulders 7: found new beta for the bottom crux! brushed and chalked two unused holds, shouldery AF 8: made some Abraham Lincolns, found beta for the top also! huge progress. secondary warm up on Soap seemed to help. 9: Whoa 3 hang! found new beta.   10: bad day, fell at 1st crux.   s pent a lot of time getting acclimated to middle crux an...

13:26 12/19/2019 will forever be engrained in my head.  "His hair is the wrong color," I remember thinking to myself as EMS rolled him out of the ambulance, my first glimpse of the boy. I saw his pale skin under the hands of the EMTs working hard to compress his tiny chest in an attempt to keep his blood circulating. As he rolled past me, I quickly realized that "wrong color" was hair that had been saturated in blood. The call came in just a few seconds prior, "Code 3, male, head caught in a gate, CPR in progress." My co workers called for me to prepare a trauma room for a Code 3. I did my typical routine, got the crash cart out, began hooking pads up, prepared the Lucas so it was ready to go. Another coworker came rushing over with the pediatric crash cart. I looked at him puzzled. He said assuringly, "It's a 9 year old." Our hospital sees a ton of people in the older population, so a code 3, CPR in progress on a 90 year old was nothing ...

       2021: I decided would be the year I did things I was bad at. I picked routes with foot cutting dynos, big moves, small crimps, and intense drop knees. I TRIED not to knee bar as much, I really did! I worked hard to get better at running. I attempted to obtain my Certified Emergency Nurse specialization (I suck at tests and this was one was no different. Spoiler alert: I failed the exam). I applied for a new certificate outside of my realm of ER nursing to broaden my scope of practice and open some new doors. So when the option came up to climb a 19,347 ft volcano in Ecuador to celebrate Emily and Adrian’s pre-wedding ceremony with 42 of the most impressive athletes I had grown up idolizing, now was certainly not the time to say "no." (#Yolocoto) Gorgeous pink alpenglow on Cotopaxi the night before our ascent     Brooks, Katy, Ciara, Naomi, and I did our first test hike on Mount Sopris in Carbondale, CO at the end of September. I knew we ha...